


Shut Up, Spock

by Medie



Category: Star Trek (2009)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, F/M, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-02-04
Updated: 2010-02-04
Packaged: 2017-10-07 00:50:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/59583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Medie/pseuds/Medie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And don't worry, I won't tell Uhura you've been checking out my girlfriend's ass.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shut Up, Spock

**Author's Note:**

> written for [](http://community.livejournal.com/bridge2sickbay/profile)[**bridge2sickbay**](http://community.livejournal.com/bridge2sickbay/) prompt "Kirk, McCoy, Fucked on the Floor" - I feel I should warn you. This fic is not smutty, also you probably shouldn't ingest any beverages. Your computer will thank you for your restraint.

She started it. She did. Jim was entirely innocent in the matter. Really. He'd been sitting there, quiet as could be, tackling the mountain of reports Rand had packed into his console (how did one ship generate this much paperwork anyway? And don't start about how it's not paperwork. The paper part is immaterial so shut it, Spock. That's an _order_, Commander. It _is_! For god's sake, the question was rhetorical, all right?) and Bones totally started it.

Totally.

With a yawn.

She'd started it with a yawn. Yawns were not supposed to be sexy. Jim would've been prepared for it if he'd known. Bones was supposed to tell him this shit. If she was going to go and make yawning sexy there should be a goddamn memo. She sent him a memo on every other fucking thing, why not sexy yawning?

If the yawn wasn't bad enough, she used the little towel. So what if Spock had used the shared bathroom first (heh, Spock and -- Seriously, Spock, a man is allowed to snicker at the idea of a _Vulcan_ having shower sex. Shut the fuck up, okay? Yes, I promise an immediate cessation to profanity if you do.) and the only fucking thing left (Yes, I totally lied. Captain's privilege, Spock. You'll learn that in time.) was the little towels, it wasn't fair.

"Somebody has to tell that pointy eared pain in my ass," God, he loved her ass, "to replace the goddamn linens when he uses 'em!"

See, right there, that made it worse. Bones was totally grouchy. Jim loved it when she was grouchy. Yawning, little towel, grouchy. See? Bones totally started it. They were pretty damn irresistible on the whole of it.

Still muttering about inconsiderate Vulcans, Bones stomped over to the dresser and started digging around for clothes (Goddamn shame if you were wondering. I KNOW YOU WEREN'T SPOCK. Rhe-fucking-torical, remember? _God_.) before adding, "Nyota should know better. She knows I like a good fluffy towel."

Jim made a noncommittal, 'aren't I a good boyfriend' noise that got him a 'hmph' and absolutely didn't look up when he heard the wet slap of towel hitting floor.

(All right, Spock, I looked. Have you _seen_ Bones lately? And don't worry, I won't tell Uhura you've been checking out my girlfriend's ass. There might, however, be some understandable vengeance on my part and I KNOW, but what else am I going to call her? She keeps avoiding the whole marriage thing and lover sounds -- well, just shut up, Spock. Seriously. Why am I telling you this and, before you say it, let's go over the rhetorical thing again, okay?)

Okay, he peeked, but only a little. He had work. Paperwork. Janice would have his balls (no, not literally, Spock. My yeoman hasn't threatened physical violence yet...well, MUCH, but in her defense, she was right. Put that eyebrow down and stop fucking smirking at me. Yes, you can smirk with your eyebrow.) if he didn't finish it before the morning.

Then Bones yawned again. "God," she said, with the kind of strain in her voice that suggested serious full-body, toe-curling, certain awesome body parts standing up at perky attention while she stretched hands over her head --

Fuck it. He was only human.

(Yes, Spock, I jumped Bones's bones, but it was still her fault. Yes, it _was_, she was acting all -- yes, she was getting dressed, but, _God_, watch some bad romance movies, okay? This shit is in there!)

And, for the record, she really did start it. Nothing Lenore McCoy liked better than fucking James T. Kirk through the floor.


End file.
